So Blessed

I've been reading a friends blog today and realized how blessed I am.

I don't know why. I am a horrid sinner deserving everything she's going through. And yet, here I sit, blessed beyond belief.

I've been mostly crying as I read her posts. Why? She was 2 days from having a C-section to welcome her 3rd child, 1st boy, into her family when her baby died. She had to deliver a still-born baby. 2 days before he was to be born.

I am tortured for her. I cannot begin to imagine the grief she has gone and continues to go through. I feel empty inside. Why do these things happen? Yes, I know because of sin. Yes, I know we are all sinners, even babies. But I don't understand and it leaves me shaken in my faith.

That's where I am today. Feeling empty and wondering why. And at the same time marveling at God's love and grace.

It's hard work.

Homeschooling is hard. Whether you have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or more children, it is hard. Anyone who says otherwise is a big, fat liar.

There are days I wistfully watch the schoolbus pulling away with our neighbors children and think, wouldn't it be easy to just let my kiddos join their friends? Yes it would. Then I could have a clean house. I could have everyone's drawers full of clean clothes. I could have time to make homemade bread and each meal from scratch. I know there are homeschool moms who can do all this. I am not one of them. I am not superwoman.

But I also know I don't want my 4th grader knowing about the birds and the bees, not just yet anyway. I don't want my kids coming home with language usually heard at bars. I don't want my children learning information to spit back out for a test only to forget it the next day after they've achieved an "A".

I love being with my kids. They are awesome. The things they come up with, whether it be legos or a drawing of a lion, it's incredible. But it is hard work. And it's the most rewarding work I've ever done or ever will do.

Seriously

It is 8:50 pm and Madison has just finished school today. We started at 10 am.

So over it.

So tired.

So ready for bed.

So don't want to do it again tomorrow.

So need to pray and ask God to forgive me for my rotten heart.

So thankful He will.

Homeschool Song

Sing this to the tune "I Will Survive"...

First I was afraid
I was petrified.
Kept thinking I could never teach
'Cause I'm not certified.
But we spent so many nights
Reteaching homework that was wrong.
I grew strong,
So now I teach my kids at home!

We study math
And outer space.
I just kept on despite the fear
With a big smile across my face.
I bought a set of Base Ten blocks.
I bought books with answer keys.
My parents think we're nuts,
But they don't even bother me.

Come on, let' s go,
Walk out the door.
We're on the road now,
'Cause we're not home much anymore .
My friends would laugh and say we'd be unsocialized.
I heard one mumble
That I'd give up by July.

Oh no, not I!
I will survive!
As long as I know how to read
I know we'll be alright.
I've got all my life to learn.
I've got energy to burn.
And I'll survive.
I will survive.

It took all the strength I had
Not to fall apart.
Decided to attend
A play date at the local park,
And I met oh so many moms
Who offered eagerly to help.
They used to cry.
Now they hold their heads up high,

And so do we!
My kids are cool!
They're not those chained up little people
Stuck inside at school.
So if you feel like dropping by
And just expect us to be free
You'd better call ahead first
'Cause we're probably busy!

Growing Pains

I was crying in the dressing room at Target today. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm not ashamed to admit that I had to control myself so I didn't disolve into a dripping sobbing mess. Or that it took a minute before my eyes were no longer red and I could leave the dressing room and allow other patrons to try on their potential purchases.

I could have been trying on a new pair of pants, a cute shirt, or (gasp) a bathing suit, and been shocked by how tightly my "old" size now fits. I only wish that were true!

Nope. I was crying because my BABY is now wearing a bra. A BRA PEOPLE!!! All you mothers of younger daughters take note. It's a tearful time. And yes, she was SOOO embarressed by me! Thank you very much!

Tell me it ain't so...

...that my daughter is "in love" with a rock star!

We're watching the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds 3D Concert on TV tonight. I'm shocked that she knows the words to EVERY song and is singing at the top of her voice. It's cute. Even if you can't really tell it's 3D with the cheap-o glasses she got free at Wally-Mart tonight with her Daddy.

Then (and this is where the world stands still) the JONAS BROTHERS come out!!! I think I've lost a little bit of my hearing what with her screaming unintelligable sounds of glee. Anyway, she's singing right along with them too, getting EVERY word...she doesn't have any of their music, so how she is able to accomplish this I have no idea. So, she's extremely happy and every so often gives little screams of delight. Then she and Marshall...who also has lost a little bit of his hearing...have this conversation:

Mad: There's Nick...I LOVE HIM!!

Mars: How can you love him? He's like 16.

Mad: He's only like 13.

Mars: Yeah, and you're what, 9?

Mad: So? That's only 4 years older. Daddy's 4 years older than Mommy and they love each other.

Mars: Yeah, but he doesn't know you.

Mad: Well that's a problem. I LOVE HIM!!! He's soooooo cute!!

Mars: (pauses for a moment) And to think you used to love Barney!

She's 9 going on 19...help me! Oh, and did I mention that ANY time she sees him on TV or any picture of him she wants me to confirm that he is TOTALLY CUTE AND ADORABLE?!

Kittens, kittens everywhere!!

I'm horrible at this blogging thing. I just can't seem to keep it going. It's not for lack of things to blog about. With 5 children I have WAY too much to blog about. I think maybe I'm intimidated by my blogger friends who seem to be able to effortlessly blog each and every day...some more than once a day...you know who you are Karen!! ;-)

Anyway, our cat had 5 kittens a few weeks ago and they are the most adorable things!! They are sweet and playful and I could eat up each and every one of them! They're still too little to leave their mama, but 2 are going next door to live (which makes Madison very happy that she can see them whenever she wants!!) and we are keeping 1. That leaves 2 more in need of a home. I've talked to some people and John even tried to give one as a 1st birthday present to Baby Kate. Her mommy...you know who you are Karen!!...said no.

Oh, and here's something almost unbelievable. There are alot of cats in the world, yes? Well, then why is it that 95% of the people I have talked to about getting a kitten say they are allergic? I find that statistically impossible. Some have even said "deathly allergic". I think they'd already be dead if they were truly deathly allergic. Cats are everywhere. And some of these "allergic people" have been in my house and (*gasp*!) touched our cats. Yet they continue to live. And those who didn't say deathly allergic didn't even sniffle or have their eyes water.