LOVIN' SUMMER ALREADY!!!!

I am soooo incredibly excited it is summer!! I don't feel the need to rush the kids to bed "on time", don't feel the need to get dressed (in my jammies 2 days in a row now!!), don't feel the need to be a slave to the alarm (actually slept 'til 8:30 yesterday...unheard of!!). And as an added bonus, I am actually doing more cleaning than ever, yea me!!

I am also sooo incredibly excited to homeschool this coming year. I've actually begun with Madison. I got the news a few days before school let out, and it was no surprise just hard to hear, that her teacher had to recommend she repeat 1st grade. I love her teacher. She has been so great this entire year. She'd give extra books for Maddie to read, I'd give her notes to let her know which pages Maddie was good at reading so she wouldn't feel bad during oral reading in class, and she is VERY supportive of our decision to homeschool. She actually homeschooled her 5 children too.

Anyway, she said she hates to ever have a child repeat a grade, but especially Madison. She has everything but the reading...and obviously that is very important. So we are spending the summer trying to get her reading at grade level. But it's so nice to not have her tired out after school and not wanting to do extra work. We just do it and it's done and she can go play. She's already doing great. (And for those of you wondering, they do phonics at her school, but it's just not clicking with Maddie. I even used the "Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons". There is a small percentage of children for whom phonics is not the best way to learn to read, and unfortunatley Maddie seems to be one of them...we'll see.)

Right now, Madison and Marshall are upstairs making things out of Kinex for everyone in the family. I love toys that let kids be creative. Madison just made me a row of flowers, complete with leaves. Too cute! Here comes Marshall, he's made me a giant "M" for Mom!! Sweet!

All right, I know this blog has been kind of random, but it's summer man, and I just can't think straight!!

Sick Days

I've been sick for almost a week. Well, I'm not really sick anymore, just still very tired. Not the tired that I need to sleep, but the tired that I need to rest after just a little bit of doing anything. I started out with a little tickle in my throat on Tuesday and by Thursday had horrible sinus pressure, headache, body aches, and a fever of 102.5.

It had been a busy week. The last day of preschool for the kids, Marshall's graduation from preschool, auction meetings for me (somehow I am helping acquisitions for the auction my daughter's school is having next year even though we are homeschooling next year...I am such a yes-person), cleaning up my classroom, T-ball game, the list goes on and on. Needless to say, it's hard for any mom to get sick, let alone a stay-at-home mom with 5 very dependent children. "SUPER DAD" TO THE RESUCE!!

My husband is simply the best. I asked him to come home from work early on Thursday because I was wiped out (note the 102.5 temp!!) He did with nary a word about how much work was piling up on his desk or how he had only been at his desk for about 45 minutes that whole week thus far because of all he has to do with others at his office. He swept in and took over childcare, child feeding, petcare, and pet feeding. He made me dinner. He kept the kids quiet so I could sleep. And when I begged him to stay home on Friday, he did!!! (And in all honesty, he did work from home due to a "wonderful" invention known as the Blackberry.)

I was diagnosed with a sinus infection on Friday afternoon by a doctor I don't really like and was sent home with the appropriate antibotics to cure such a hanis illness. (I have to confess that part of me was hoping the doctor would say I was in need of hospitilization due to dehydration and extreme fatigue...no such luck!)

As of today, my husband is back at work...he's very glad of it too! He repeatedly said over and over how he was going crazy. I think he gained a new admiration for me and my schedule. He didn't understand it before...now he does! I love him for taking care of me and the kids.

DISGUSTING!!!

So the kids are downstairs trying to find a book for me to read to them before bed while I'm checking my e-mail. Madison chooses "Junie B. Jones...I Am Not A Crook". I love Junie B. books. They are hilarious! Marshall chooses a sing-a-long "Jesus Songs" book. How sweet, I think to myself.

Then as I am about to log off of e-mail to go and read to them, Marshall screams, making me about pee my pants. I look over and he is pointing to a completely flat, smashed camel cricket on the last page.

I'm leaving it for John to clean up when he gets back from his men's retreat!! (And by the way...whose idea was it to have a men's retreat on Mother's Day weekend...that's all I'm sayin'!)

Mommy Guilt

Is it possible to be a mom and not have guilt? I hope so, and I hope I can one day get to that place, but I don't think it's ever going to happen.

I feel guilty because I know I'm supposed to play with my kids, read to them, listen to them, create with them, and just be with them. I love to do that. And I do do that. But when I do, it's exhausting and I have no time or energy for the day to day life "stuff" of cleaning, cooking, dusting, laundry, folding, picking up, putting away, etc.

I feel guilty because I know I'm supposed to clean, cook, dust, do laundry, fold, pick up, put away, etc. I don't love to do that. But I do that. But when I do, it's exhausting and I have no time or energy for the fun stuff of playing, reading, listening, creating, and being with my kids.

This may be really dumb, but I just cannot find the balance. I go from a high of having spent incredible time with my children to looking around my pathetically dirty house and moaning and groaning about having to clean at the end of a long day. Or I go from a high of having a sparkling clean house to looking at my peacefully sleeping children and moaning and groaning and crying that I haven't made the most of the day with them that I should have.

Am I the only one out there going through this? Where is the balance? How can I manage 5 children and a clean house? Is it even possible? Maybe it's the rain today, but I am really feeling like the worst mommy, wife, and house cleaner in the world right now. I'm exhausted and it's not even 6 yet.