So Blessed

I've been reading a friends blog today and realized how blessed I am.

I don't know why. I am a horrid sinner deserving everything she's going through. And yet, here I sit, blessed beyond belief.

I've been mostly crying as I read her posts. Why? She was 2 days from having a C-section to welcome her 3rd child, 1st boy, into her family when her baby died. She had to deliver a still-born baby. 2 days before he was to be born.

I am tortured for her. I cannot begin to imagine the grief she has gone and continues to go through. I feel empty inside. Why do these things happen? Yes, I know because of sin. Yes, I know we are all sinners, even babies. But I don't understand and it leaves me shaken in my faith.

That's where I am today. Feeling empty and wondering why. And at the same time marveling at God's love and grace.