Tuesday, April 28, 2009

So Blessed

I've been reading a friends blog today and realized how blessed I am.

I don't know why. I am a horrid sinner deserving everything she's going through. And yet, here I sit, blessed beyond belief.

I've been mostly crying as I read her posts. Why? She was 2 days from having a C-section to welcome her 3rd child, 1st boy, into her family when her baby died. She had to deliver a still-born baby. 2 days before he was to be born.

I am tortured for her. I cannot begin to imagine the grief she has gone and continues to go through. I feel empty inside. Why do these things happen? Yes, I know because of sin. Yes, I know we are all sinners, even babies. But I don't understand and it leaves me shaken in my faith.

That's where I am today. Feeling empty and wondering why. And at the same time marveling at God's love and grace.

1 comment:

Tonya said...

Dear Paula,

WOW! I had no idea that you had a blog! I had no idea that you read my blog! I had no idea that my story has touched you so deeply. I wish it weren't my story. I wish it didn't have to be anyone's story. But unfortunately, it IS mine and the story of so many others.

But it seems that it has served its purpose. To help me and others be thankful for what we do have. To hold our living children just a little bit tighter. To know that as hard as it is, and as much as I too ask "Why?", as I sit typing and crying, there is HOPE in Jesus Christ for all of us who choose Him. And because of Him, my baby IS alive and I WILL SEE HIM ALIVE one day too! That's what I hold on to!

Thank you SO much for reaching out and commenting on my blog tonight. I miss you and also wish we were closer! But you know, it's not THAT far - I did drive it two days a week when we first moved!! ;-)

God bless you!
Love,
Tonya